Opinion 65

Lotta talk going around these parts about conversion in and among different churches. I'm told the man who chooses his religion is acting like a Protestant. Good Lord folks, we're all Protestants now days. The Middle Ages have passed. If one is going to be religious in the West these days, by and large one is going to have to choose. And yes, we choose quite often for reasons incorrect and undignified. Does this really need to be a cause of surprise?

Here's the thing, Christianity itself is a choice. At one time or another, many of us decided to try to follow Christ, or at least to tag along with those who said they were following him. There are two roads, aren't there? and we're told that we must choose one or the other. The Gospel itself demands a Protestant choice, a protest against the nations: stick with the political-religious mainstream or give them the finger and follow a crazed Jew of quite unhopeful prospects.

Let me offer a piece of spiritual advice. As one who has seen the divine light, magnified through the shadows of divine unknowable darkness, as one who has... or rather, who knows a man, whom seven years ago ascended through nine heavens (that's right, nine, not a paltry seven) and saw sights -whether in the body or out of the body he doesn't know- as a man who regularly has had fantastic and freaky looking lightsaber-like lasers shooting out of his hands and who on this account has been forced to purchase gloves, as one, quite honestly, who levitates all the time, hovering even over those damn garage door sensors that won't let you run out of the garage after hitting the "shut" button, as one who is clairvoyant, who even now in his gift of clairvoyance realizes that few will believe him and that these shall perish, as one who is a member of the LAST TRUE APOSTOLIC ORTHODOX CHURCH ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH ,OUTSIDE OF RUSSIA, as one who has distuingished between the essence and the engergies on multiple occasions, even over his morning coffee (fair-trade, for God is just) with SOY milk because IT IS A FASTING SEASON, as a humble man, let me offer this advice: if one's conversion leads to the more serious undertaking of the commands of Jesus, and maybe - miracle upon miracles - actually doing one or two of them before death, then the conversion was worth it.